It would be easy for me to be jealous and feel resentful when I hear (or read) about parents who have such wholesome families, and great relationships with their children. I know that in their 40’s many people mourn the loss of their youth. I’ve mourned the loss of my children’s youth. I wouldn’t dream of starting my own life over, even knowing what I know now. Sometimes, however, I’ve thought it would be nice to go back 23 years and re-raise my children. Knowing, of course, what I know now. Maybe that’s why I feel so compelled to share what I’ve learned.
Within my own world, I can smile, and thank God for what I have. I spent time visiting with my youngest last night, and that was very nice. It was definitely a good conversation. This morning over breakfast he got mad at me over a discussion about hormone treatment of plants (I’d never heard of such a thing – he felt I was arguing with him). But at least we’re talking.
I have a wonderful husband, a good job, a nice house & yard, few money woes, a fabulous church family and a harmonious relationship with God. I love my children, and have always tried to do right by them. Although I was a rebellious black sheep in my family-of-origin, I now have a great relationship with my parents. We talk several times a week and they come visit several times a year. When I left home at 17 (off to college) I thought my mother might win a worst-in-the-world competition. I’m somewhat amazed at how much like her I am. My middle daughter, M, is now staying in touch and I’m grateful for that. She offers me hope, and she has voiced reassurance that I’m not as bad as she thought I was 2 years ago. Not to be trite, but “time heals all wounds” and “distance makes the heart grow fonder”.
I remain faithful, and I trust that my children are under God’s watchful eye. I will try to worry less, and trust more.
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